If you are half the hopeless romantic as I am, you must have already noticed that “Happily” is absent. Well !! Mine did not involve the Happy part; if you are one of those lucky ones who had/have Happy, I wish hope and pray it stays the same way. If however you are someone like me who had her heart ripped out, hear it from the girl who once thought the pain would never end. So, when I say I know how you feel, trust me I know how you feel. When I say do not give up, it get’s better; I know that it does get better because I lived to see better. Now I do not mean for you to go through that familiar agony of heartbreak yet again, I am only sharing with you the demons I faced because all I want you to know is that you are not alone. These emotions you have right now about yourself are very overwhelming I understand but thankfully they are temporary. Don’t allow any of these emotions to make you feel less of a human:
Self Pity: The pity party you host for yourself every night is mostly witnessed by the poor pillow all drenched up with the tears. Good thing is your pillow is stronger than the shoulders of that jerk who walked away. Today again you must be thinking when will you ever stop crying? I will be honest with you, today is not that day, I can not assure you for tomorrow or day after as well. I do not know when will that day come when you do not cry yourself to sleep. All I do know is that it will happen and very soon, provided you keep going, even if it is like a zombie you have become. Wake up eat work eat TV cry sleep repeat. For now, even this is enough if all else seems too much of a task to ask for.
Probably Deserved it: Admit it, no matter how awesome you think or know you are, you have always put yourself at the very bottom of your own priority list. When we rate everyone including the man we loved higher up than ourselves, then obviously the guy will be always right, irrespective of the fact how poorly he treated you. Every time you get this feeling of you probably deserved the shitty behaviour you got, remember that your parents did not bring you in this world and raised you to whine over some man who refused to see what a miracle you are. You are destined for greatness girl and you deserve someone who sees that in you and reminds you of the same every single day.
Why Me: This is probably the hardest for most of us. It makes us feel like some sort of villain. We look at happy people, happy families, a happy couple with a baby in a stroller and we wonder what is it that we did or not do and why is it that everyone else is happy but not us. Don’t beat yourself up over this emotion. It is not jealousy, you do not want to take their happiness away. All you want is to be happy yourself. Because your time is not just yet to be happy, it makes you restless and it makes you mad at yourself and even at God sometimes. Now, you can get mad at God, he is strong enough to take it but please do not be mad at yourself, right now you need tenderness not anger. I don’t know if we will get the kind of happiness we want right now, but I do know we will be happy and it is going to be the kind of happiness we need. If only we live through this temporary darkness.
Dying Alone Fear: I admit, am still not over this one completely. I am totally terrified of this idea of being all alone when my time comes to die. It is very important not to fall in the trap of this fear and please do not make a mistake of going for another relationship only because you are afraid of being alone. I am going to repeat the exact very lines one of my friends said after being tired of my whining; “Die Alone! What die alone man? If you are so scared of dying alone let me put a bullet through your head, I promise I will stand here and watch you die so that you do not die alone. Shut up for heaven’s sake”. Although it was ruthless, it did help me snap out of this rut of dying alone fear. But most importantly, every time this fear rises again, I start counting the things I am grateful for today. Or else, I call up the same friend and she gives me a dressing down and I am good to go for next few days. These are not very permanent solutions I know but till the time we find some permanent solution, these temporary ones can be put to use effectively.
The five stages of grief; Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance will appear to be too overwhelming right now. Pain; however difficult it be, is there for a reason and that reason is Healing. Share your grief for someone else to grow from it. Like James Baldwin says “ You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world; but then you read someone else’s story”. You are not the first girl who’s supposedly happily ever after turned into a nightmare and you will not be the last. This pain you feel can either harden up your heart or make you kinder, the choice is upto you. I hope you choose kindness.
I promise it does not hurt so bad after some time. I assure you there are a lot of reasons to live. There is a life after Ever After and adding “Happily” to it is completely upto you. At times we do not get the happiness we imagine for ourselves, sometimes the happiness we actually get is much grander than that in our heads.