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Is Your Partner Lying to You?

Do you have a sneaking feeling that your partner is lying to you? Are you longing for a way to find out whether what your partner says they are up to when they aren’t with you is true? Detecting lies does not require psychic powers or mind reading abilities. How many movies and television series have you seen on telltale signs that someone is lying? Some of what they say is actually true and you can master these techniques too. Let us first take a look at why partners lie before we find ways to detect such lies. I will also tell you some tried and tested ways to handle the situation if you find that your partner is lying to you.

What Partners Lie About

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Here are common situations in which partners are likely to lie.

Relational Issues

  • Usually, partners lie or give excuses about why they cannot see you or spend time together. For instance, your partner may tell you that they are busy at work, or that they are not feeling well enough or they have some urgent errands to run.
  • They lie about their past relationships, usually in order to avoid awkwardness, conflict or unnecessary arguments.
  • Your partner may lie to you about his/her attraction towards another person. The reason for this is quite obvious!
  • In a relationship, partners are found lying about their secret contact with a third person. This secret contact can be sexual or non-sexual.
  • Partners are generally seen lying about their level of commitment to each other. This is because they are unsure of their feelings or uncertain about the future.

Sexual Issues

  • Lovers usually conceal their sexual fantasies about somebody else during sex with their partners. Usually, the fantasy involves a co-worker, partner’s family member or a friend.
  • Men, in particular, have been found to lie about masturbating. They usually do not reveal the number of times they masturbate.
  • Remember that famous scene from When Harry Met Sally where the character played by Meg Ryan fakes an orgasm right in the middle of a restaurant? All she was proving was that partners tend to lie about how good their experience of intercourse was.
  • Lovers or spouses usually hide information about their past sexual acts, virginity, child abuse or abortions.

Insecurities

  • Partners are usually seen lying about their physical health or appearance, such as weight and age.
  • Partners can give untruthful data about their family and friends. This is because they want to present a better picture than the reality.
  • Your partner could lie to you about their feelings and emotions. This is usually because they are scared for being taken for granted or fear negative perceptions.

Negative Behaviours

  • Partners usually lie about the present or past drug use.
  • Your partner might be lying to you about alcohol consumption.
  • Partners generally lie about their smoking habit as well.
  • Gambling involvement is mostly concealed by partners.

Financial Issues

  • Partners tend to lie about their inherited property, income and financial resources.
  • Your partner could lie to you about their debt level.
  • They also tend to hide how they might be splurging their hard earned money.

Once you know the various circumstances in which your partner could lie to you, it becomes easier to detect the lies. Let us now take a look at the various ways to detect when your partner is lying to you.

Ways to Detect If Your Partner Is Lying to You

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Jean Baptiste Poquelin Moliere once said, “One is easily fooled by that which one loves.”

So, if you want to save yourself from this situation, you should know the methods of detecting deception.

  • Observe the Micro-Expressions: Although these expressions flash across the face of a person for a fraction of a second, they reveal the true emotion that the person is concealing beneath their façade. These micro-expressions are easily detectable. Usually, you will notice the emotion of distress on your partner’s face, which is characterized by a frown.
  • Notice the Eye Movements: As said by Paulo Coelho, “No one can lie, no one can hide anything when he looks directly into someone’s eyes.” So, you can detect if your partner is cooking up a story based on their eye movements. If your partner is lying, they will move their eyes to the left. Rapid blinking of the eyes is another way to detect if a person is lying. It is also found that people, mostly men, rub their eyes when lying.
  • Notice Speech Patterns: If your partner starts speaking in a higher pitch, is hesitant in their speech or makes more grammatical errors than usual, there is a possibility that they are lying. Also, you will notice discrepancies between their facial expression and their tone of voice.
  • Look for Mouth Covering and Nose Touching: If you notice your partner touching his/her nose too often, there is a probability that they are lying. A person who is lying is also tends to cover their mouth with their hands or place their hands near the mouth while speaking. This is one of the easiest ways to detect if your partner is lying or concealing the truth.
  • Offensive Vs Defensive: When confronted with the truth, do you see your partner becoming offensive or defensive? A person telling truth will always be offensive, while a liar will usually behave defensively.
  • Ask Direct Questions: Ask direct questions or confront your spouse or partner. If they give an indirect reply or act evasively, chances are high that they are lying to you. Being unable to confront you is a key sign of guilt.

I did not need thorough practice to detect whether my partner was lying to me, all I needed to do was to remain more alert and cautious, and observe these signs closely. Try not to snoop after your partner all day. You can always give your partner the benefit of the doubt and give them a chance to explain themselves. If it still doesn’t work, here are few steps that will help you deal with the situation if you find that your partner is lying to you.

How to Handle Lying in Partners?

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I understand that coping with the discovery that your partner is lying to you can be very difficult. Lying arouses a wide range of emotions inside us, but all you need to do is to tame those emotions and follow these steps to handle the situation so that you can catch your partner lying to you.

Be Calm

This is the most important thing you need to do. If you immediately rush off to confront your partner, especially without adequate evidence, you will only end up messing things up. What you need to do is step back, breathe deeply and relax. Instantly reacting to a situation will add more fuel to the fire. I had an experience where a friend of mine called me, crying because she thought her partner was cheating on her. She said she had heard a recording of her partner and another woman and she thought they were talking in coded words. Her instant reaction was to furiously react to the situation and declare that her boyfriend was being unfaithful. Later on, she found out that it was an insurance lady and her partner didn’t even know her. The accusations were hurtful and it took a long time for the couple to work things out and get back to their usual, loving relationship. So, keep your cool before reaching to a conclusion.

Confirm Your Suspicions

The first thing you need to do once you calm down is confirm whether your partner is actually lying to you. Get your facts right and double check them. Please make sure you do not involve family or friends in this matter since it can lead to irreparable damage and reckless gossip. Carry out your own investigation, hire a detective if you need to or purchase spy mobile software, which will help you to keep track of the calls, messages, and e-mails made or sent by your partner. You cannot have a plan of action until you have irrefutable proof that you are being lied to.

Confront Your Partner If Lying is Confirmed

Flush all the rage, need to swear and shout or even cry out of your system. When the time comes to confront someone with the truth, the most important thing is that you are in full control of your emotions and that you are able to put forward your arguments in a logical and calm manner. Once you know you can do this, tell your partner you need to talk. If you give an extreme reaction at the time of confrontation, it may lead to something that you will regret later.

Talk to your partner in a relaxed and non-threatening manner. Bring up the issue in a casual conversation. Come up with the truth and tell your partner what you have learned about the actual situation. Ask direct and relevant questions. Don’t let the topic be changed or the issue be evaded.

Listen Without Interrupting

I know you there will be a volcano ready to erupt within you, with questions, accusations, and emotions all ready to burst forth. However, you need to give your partner a chance to explain themselves and you have to patiently listen to their side of the story. Remember that you are the one who initiated this confrontation, so courtesy demands that you listen without prejudice.

Reconcile or Walk-Out

It is a very important thing for you to decide whether you are willing to forgive them, reconcile and move ahead with the relationship, putting all this behind you. If not, are you prepared to walk away from this relationship?

If your partner has been lying to a sexual partner, drugs addiction or gambling, it is advisable that you seek further consultation either from a marriage counselor or a de-addiction center. If this doesn’t work, you might need to end it here before you get hurt any further. However, if you feel that these are petty lies and can be forgiven, it is better to sort it out among yourselves and come to an understanding about the rules of communication, setting down guidelines of what each person will do if they discover that the other has been lying to them.

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.”~Abraham Linoln