My “Dearest” Ex Husband,
Let me start with what this letter is not; it is not a confession of love I once had for you and neither it is to convey any regret for our failed marriage. I do not think you will ever come across this piece coz if I know you correctly, video games is your thing and reading is bore for you. So this letter although addressed to you, is for all those once madly in love couples (especially the women half of the couples) who have decided to call it quits for whatever reasons. We were together for almost 7 years of which 3 years as married couple and I desperately need to draw out something from our failed relationship even if it is nothing but bitter lessons of life, this is why I sadistically chose to relive our lives together.
I will start with Thank You!!! You remember how I used to get irritated when people would say everything happens for a reason and I need to find happiness in adversities of life. Well!!! It turns out people were right. I never thought something good could come out of abuse you subjected me to. But thanks to your behaviour, moving out of this marriage was way easier. So, thanks a lot for calling me Ugly and Not good Enough. Retrospectively I wonder why I chose to believe you when you called me all this when there are people (better human beings than you) who called me “Beautiful” and “Perfect”.
Now that the worst is over; by worst I mean our marriage, let us talk about the lesser evil, i.e. our Divorce Proceedings. First things first, congratulations!!! Our divorce proceedings have lasted longer than our marriage itself and this very fact has reaffirmed my faith in higher power of divorce vis a vis marriage. There are a few things I wish we both had done differently to make the process less harassing and less painful for both of us. The things you have said to me in our marriage and during our separation should have been seen by me for what they were; your insecurity and your defensiveness as a result of abuse you subjected me to. But against my good judgment, I fell in the trap and I responded emotionally and often angrily at the filth you threw at me. People generally fight to win; but in a divorce if the two parties are fighting, neither of the two wins. There is only one winner in the fight of divorce and sadly it is neither the man nor the wife; it is the Lawyer. Your insecurities and my anger have proved to be very expensive for both of us.
I hope the couples reading it learn from our mistakes and deal with divorce like what it is; a nasty job that needs to be done. A dead rat in the house needs to be disposed off or else the house will stink; I don’t think disposing off rat’s corpse calls for emotions of any kind. Divorce is just a process of disposing off the corpse of a dead marriage (metaphorical rat) and nothing else. The kind of person you are, I don’t think you would have behaved differently during our separation; the onus of dignified divorce just like the onus of dragging the marriage was on me and I failed. I wish I had reacted differently during our divorce than I did just to save my time and money if nothing else.
In spite of whatever happened, the things you did and said to me and the way I responded; it would be a lie if I say all those 7 years were bad. There were times we were good, when you were less of a jerk and I was less of a bitch. So, thank you for all those times when you made me smile, for making me believe that you loved me (which was very rare and restricted solely at beginning of our relationship)- although it proved to be one of my many delusions but till the time this delusion lasted, it was beautiful. I hope someone sees in your eyes the same innocence I once believed existed and I hope and pray this time around, with another woman, you come across as a man I once imagined you to be.
I shall consider this struggle worth the pain if you learnt your lessons and will no longer call any girl ugly or not good enough or try to abuse her into submission. I surely have learnt my lessons; never again will I let my emotions rule my judgment. Never again will I let a man get away by calling me “Not Good Enough”.
Beautiful and “Almost” Perfect Ex Wife